July 24, 2016

Want me to time you? Secrets of the top uncles.

You'll probably be around kids who aren't your kids some time this busy season.  Here are four essential emotions you should evoke in them and how to do it.


The Big Four of being a good uncle


You'd better know a few handy tricks, like bending a pencil around your palms or sticking your thumb through your ear.


Ear thumb trick


Give any kid a big smile and stick your tongue out at 'em; you'll make friends with the little people everywhere.  Where do you take it from there?  Get them to ask you "How" anything works and you've done your job.


How'd you do that?


You should absolutely instill fear into the children around you.  Not terror, you savage.  Fear.  


fearful eyes


Make them climb higher in the tree, dunk them in water (trust me, they'll hold their breath naturally), act like a big scary monster and chase them.  Kids need to experience intense emotions in a safe environment, but it shouldn't always feel safe for them.


They'll do this naturally, but you can and should heighten it where possible.  ALWAYS challenge a child to a contest.  Could be holding your breath, could be racing to a tree, could be walking on your hands.  Crush them the first time, then let 'em win one.  


race line up, competition


They need to know what winning and losing is like; they'll get plenty of both when you're not around.


This is essential for children.  They are constantly coddled & swaddled by their parents, so YOU need to be the one who makes 'em hold a half squat for 30 seconds.  


Squat for time


Make sure YOU count the time, and make it go for 3 minutes.  Tell 'em how long they actually went when it's over.  Get them in cold water, or walking barefoot on gravel, or holding a dead fish.  


dead slimy fish


Anything they shrink from should be exploited.  

The final triplet of advice:  

1. Ignore their parents when possible.  Most parents have no idea how capable their child is.

2. Always take away their stupid electronic devices. A plugged in kid is a mindless grub, good for nothing and no help to the world.


throw your phone in the trash


3. When they get scared, remain honest but unbending about completing a task.  Talk 'em through it.


Nik "The Professional Uncle" Hawks

p.s. Don't be afraid to tell them they did a good job, but only if they did, and only when you're leaving.

Ho ho, you liked this article, did you?  Here are a few more you'll probably dig.

Nik Hawks


Nik Hawks helps run the show at Paleo Treats. Fascinated by humans in all their strange glory, Nik is harnessed in and pulling hard in pursuit of excellence with the rest of the PT Crew. Enjoy!

Too much reading...
How about dessert?

Too Much Reading...How About Dessert?

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