July 07, 2018

Surfing the Chat

A few years back we put LiveChat on our site; it's that little window that pops up with a picture of Lee asking you if you need any help.

For the most part, only Lee or I are the only ones to "take the chat", which means that when you hop on, you're talking to one of the owners.  Our customers think that's pretty cool.

Over the years we've had some really fun chats.  Here's one of our faves from back in October 2017. 

As context, the Chat always comes up with Lee's picture and her title of "Grand Poobah."  She's better looking than me (Nik), and more people are willing to chat when her picture comes up vs mine.  

If I (Nik) hop on the chat, I'll tell people that it's Nik, filling in for Lee.  

We automatically assign the name "Dessert lover" to every chatter; it's easy, anonymous, and (hopefully) true.

Ok, here we go.  

Fri, 10/13/17 04:03:39 pm

Lee: Hi, can I help you with anything? :)
Dessert lover: yes! what's a grand poobah?

Lee: You’re looking at one. :) Although this is Nik, filling in for Lee.
Dessert lover: what does a Poobah do and where can it be found?
Lee: Depends on what kind of Poobah. We only have the Grand kind here on the site, but there are lesser Poobahs, demi Poobahs, and even Poobah SVPs.

Dessert lover: oh my. I am so intrigued

Lee: As far as what a Poobah does...well, it’s a bit of a mystery. Mostly they just dispense advice to the questioning. Although they’ve been known to eat entire boxes of chocolate as an on-the-job learning experience. It’s a difficult path, to be a Poobah. You have to be convinced you’re important. That’s probably the first part.
Dessert lover: so it's like an Oracle 
Lee: Sort of. Just less dependable. More like a monocle.

Dessert lover: :D :D I was drinking a tall glass of water when I read this and now most of it is on my lap. tsk tsk

Lee: Mission accomplished. Just a day in the life of this Poobah.

Dessert lover: goodness! life must be hard

Lee: Imagine how difficult it is to convince people to wear water, instead of drink it.
Dessert lover: do you get compensated overtime for trying all these treats?
whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? wear water?

Lee: Over time, I do feel like there’s been fair compensation.
Dessert lover: what kind of sorcery is that

Lee: Look thee then at thine lap for exhibit A.

Dessert lover: oh, that...I was hoping you would forget about it and not embarrass me any further

Lee: Consider it forgotten.
Dessert lover: I'm dog-sitting tonight and the dog in question is judging me silently
Lee: Well, at least it ain’t a cat. Cats are withering in their judgement. This is a well known fact.

Dessert lover: oh yeah? you got one yourself?

Lee: No. I don’t keep the withering kind of animals. I’m weathered enough as it is without being rained on by a cat. Cats have scimitars for eyes and stilettos on their feet. Unhealthy to have around. Though I’ll admit that a purring cat on your belly is almost good as a warm brownie in your belly. Almost.

Dessert lover: "crimitars [sic] for eyes" :D :D :D :D

Lee: Sharp ones.

Dessert lover: you are so funny!
Lee: Part of the Poobah job. Without joy we cease to exist.
Dessert lover: tell me, Poobah, what's in my future?
Lee: Well, hopefully a box laden with Paleo Treats. Although that’s very mercenary of me to say. I think you should climb Everest. That’s a nice high goal. Even if you miss, you’ll be above Monadnock.

Dessert lover: HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?! I've been thinking about it for a few years now. I am spooked.

Lee: Magic.
Dessert lover: seriously, HOW DID YOU KNOW
Lee: Well, Everest IS the tallest mountain in the world.
Dessert lover: I was just looking at gear and stuff on the Internets
Lee: Pretty safe guess as a “high” goal. I can give you another one if you’d prefer. Really, what you should dedicate your life to for the next year is the unrelenting pursuit of joy. Not many people do. They let many other less important things get in the way. Fancy cars, expensive shoes, even pens that cost more than 6 salt lamps.

Dessert lover: :)))
Lee: Plus, Everest is so 1953.

Dessert lover: re: salt lamps, haha

Lee: Hey, salt lamps ain’t cheap!

Dessert lover: you know, I've felt like my life has been a crisis after crisis for the last few years
Lee: I’ve felt that way for the last five minutes. Trust me, it’ll pass.
Dessert lover: I try to find joy in small things, and I do, like realizing my tennis shoes have been in the rain all night but don't stink
Lee: That’s way better than realizing you left a stick of butter on your car roof. At 10 AM on a Sunday morning. In the summer.

Dessert lover: hahahahaah! that would be so bad!
Lee: Yep. I’ll occasionally place sticks of butter on every roof I can find on a Sunday morning. It gives people perspective.
Dessert lover: I was about to ask, WHY would you leave a random stick of butter on your car roof? Like do you have a pet butter stick that you take places wherever you go?

Lee: Part of the Poobah “hazards of the job”. They say butter makes everything better. I try and get people to realize the fallacy in that statement.

Dessert lover: what do YOU think makes everything better?
Lee: Perspective.

Dessert lover: is that a brand of butter?
Lee: Very hard to find here in the States. It’s a Bhutanese brand. I found it once in Dubai; what a mess. Now, if you’re ever looking for a place to butter cars where you have to move quickly, I suggest Dubai in July. No need to ask why.

Dessert lover: I am crying. my sides are hurting
Lee: From the butter?
Dessert lover: No, from realizing how much of my life I wasted by not placing butter on cars

Lee: #buttercars
Dessert lover: The dog now has a concerned look on his face. He's never seen me laugh and cry at the same time.

Lee: Well, he’s probably never met a Poobah, either. Common enough among dogs.
Dessert lover: He might need therapy. Poobah, tell me a story from your past

Lee: Whew! Let me think on that one. I once put on a gorilla suit, went into a grocery store and bought 40 pound of bananas. This was before I discovered buttering cars. Pounds. Pounds, great Scott! Without an s, the English language would be less plural. It would be a singular language. I’m no raconteur though, even if that word is in vogue right now.

Dessert lover: bwaaaaahhhahahahaahah! what did the cashier say? did you get looks? did you make gorilla noises?
Lee: When I walked in, the manager, who we called “Miserable Dave” said to Dylan, the bagging clerk: “Follow that gorilla."
Dessert lover: Did you assert your dominance by eating all 40 pounds right before them?
Lee: I did fumble with my wallet at checkout, but managed to recover nicely. I went to the bar afterward and handed out all 40 pounds. Prophylaxis in action. So many people try and fix their headache after they’ve been drinking. If you alternate beer with bananas you’ll never have a problem. This is also a well known fact.

Dessert lover: ah, raconteur, it's on my top 30 list of favorite words, along with bivouacking, vaudeville, and ricochet
Lee: Do you do all those at once? I routinely defenestrated those who would string words like that together, but that was back when I was wearing a gorilla suit on a more frequent basis. Now I’m more peaceful. I just check the spelling. I wouldn’t have thought a gerund would require a k. Boy was I wrong!

Dessert lover: beer and bananas????
Lee: Potassium. Also a K. Funnily enough. I supposed it’d only be periodically funny.

Dessert lover: Haaaaaa. what other suits have you been wearing since then

Lee: Well, I have a photo of me in Australia wearing a Speedo next to a sign saying “Speedo check”. I don’t know if that counts as a suit.
Dessert lover: Pictures, or it didn't happen and you are making it up

Lee: Stand by, I’ll see if I can find it. Might take a while. It was back in 2000.

Dessert lover: I am thinking this is worth waiting for

Speedo check, Nik
Dessert lover: Let me call my girlfriends. AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAH THIS IS GREAT
Lee: I was pretty proud that day. No one else had theirs. I feel like I saved everyone in our car from certain penalty. And boy, has that karma followed me around!
Dessert lover: Man oh man. I have so many comments but I'm afraid none of them appropriate

Lee: I hear that a lot in my own head too!
Dessert lover: Please tell me you got free beer for the rest of the trip

Lee: I had a hard time convincing them of the penalty they had avoided. So I would fill their beers from my personal spigot. When they weren’t looking. I felt like that was appropriate for being cheated out of a significant reward, and it was the penalty they should have paid anyway. All’s well that end’s well, right?

Dessert lover: Were they begging you to put your pants back on? AHHHAHAHAHAHAH that's savage

Lee: Most of the time we drove around. “Windows down, pants off” has always been my motto. It’s a way to maintain joy in a mundane existence.

Dessert lover: Even in winter?

Lee: Fear has no season.
Dessert lover: this is beautiful

Lee: Thank you. It’s not often I get to really exercise my Poohbah powers. Most people just want to know how many calories are in a Brownie Bomb. Ugh. Just eat it, it’s dessert!
Dessert lover: I am absorbing all of the wisdom you are sharing, oh great Poobah, like a sponge, a purple sponge that resides deep in the sea

Lee: Deep. Sponges eat their own brain.

Dessert lover: what???? also, WHY did you have to share that with me?
Lee: Belay my last. It’s actually sea squirts that eat their own brains. As immature squirts, they drift in ocean currents until they land on something. Then they get their hooks in and settle down. Once they’re anchored, they eat their own brains; brains are terribly energy intensive. It’s like a lot of people, really.

Dessert lover: I know quite a few of such squirts on the dry land

Lee: Squirts with legs.

Dessert lover: what an interesting fact. I'll have to share it at the next work meeting I get summoned to

Lee: Just start calling your workmates “Squirt” for the week before you do it. Only you and I will get it. “Hey, squirt!" Gotta go drop Lee off at the bar, she’s meeting up with some buddies. Responses will be few and far between for the next 15 minutes.

Dessert lover: ok! I will go take the dog outside
Lee: Chatting & driving in California is frowned upon. Consider this past 48 minutes well spent in the pursuit of joy.

Dessert lover: :) you made my day. enjoy your night. thanks for entertaining me
signed, purple sponge

Dessert lover rated this chat as good.

Dessert lover closed the chat.
Duration: 51m 16s

Nik Hawks


Nik Hawks helps run the show at Paleo Treats. Fascinated by humans in all their strange glory, Nik is harnessed in and pulling hard in pursuit of excellence with the rest of the PT Crew. Enjoy!

Too much reading...
How about dessert?

Too Much Reading...How About Dessert?



July 09, 2018

Hysterical!!! Thoroughly enjoyed. Thanks for sharing, ’O Great Poobah.


July 09, 2018

Hilarious!!! 😜😂🤪


July 09, 2018

This is awesome. Thanks for sharing 😂😂😂

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